Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Meet my left and my right

Babel Tower before god intervened and invented different languages:

The level was 2.9. Babel to bridge in four hours.

The real men of the day doubled up on it. They know who they are.

Two roads diverged in a wood...

Turns out they both ended up in the eddy.

Prophetic Words

This is the first entry by yours truly Kristopherson Vegas...Don't be alarmed I have been lurking in the shadows watching what has unfolded in the last year. I have escaped from the evil prison run by the turbine testers. A new era shall begin; one fraught with exploits not yet seen be the common man. Point being...I don't give a good damn shit about anything anymore, fuck you. The cursed year of '05 is gone and it should beware the monster it has created.

A band of pilgrims will be gathered and the exodus will soon begin. Save your pennies and look to the horizon. The world of kayaking has seen what a small group of Hamiltonion descent can do in its arena; soon others will too. The world has not yet known a force comparable in academic, cultural, and all around bad-assical heroes as the mythical band known only as TJ.

The call of the lunar influenced sinusoidal rhythm of H2O + NaCl in the liquid state calls, as does the pure form of the blessed polar molecule in the frozen state, piled in crystalline form, atop formations created long ago before the time of man.

...stay tuned and prepare...don't be afraid; our time is short and must be utilized

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Narrowly Escaping The Clutches Of Satan

Ted post horror trip-out sesh
During the dryer days of December The Captain and I went on a scouting mission to the elusive Brush Creek into Roaring Creek. Dubbed "Morgan's Ugly Cousin" by Councilman Cumnock, Brush is a typical plateau run chocked full of sieves and undercuts of mammoth proportions. The investigation revealed some promising drops, spaced between series of gnarled boulder gardens, whose runnabillity would only be known with a full juice bar. The Captain returned with his Rancho Rumbla for some maintenance a few weeks later, and prepared the ditch for its first decent in quite some time.

Jason running from his own demons

With the rains of a few weeks ago, the time had come. I met Ted H. and Jason M. at the Boot around 1:00 pm and we headed to the Seventh Day Adventist compound atop the ridge. As we approached the gates of this impenetrable fortress, I sensed a disturbance in the force. The Great Beelzebubbler had forseen our plans. Realizing that this might be the last day the prophet Aquafienda had seen in her most recent orbit of Landerhoff, we quickly dug a great tunnel under the Adventist's armour by which to access the holy land and where we would bury Ted's vehicle. There would be no use for combustion engines on this tour. As we donned our water suits, I heard a noise coming from the dark void behind us. We gathered our wits and means, and made a dash for the surface. As the light of day again pierced our crania, I turned to take one last look at Ted's mighty four-wheeled stallion, but it was gone. In its place, rising out of the darkness, a mono-winged, wolf-dragon was hobbling toward us at a not-so-alarming rate. He jumped, and batted his wing wildely and came crashing down a few feet further. Again he did this, and as he landed a great thud resonated through the tunnel. Fractures in the earth branched out from his position like growing snowflake arms reaching for the light. He sniffed, snarled, and reared back to stand on his hind legs, flatulating as he did so. From his butt, a plume of black smoke emerged. The dark cloud swirled about his feet and from this nebula miniature flying skulls, with firey eyes and sword tongues, came at us laughing shrilly. It was apparent the Great Beast had shat himself, and as he looked down to asses his mess, we siezed the moment and made a run for the water with the fear of Hades coursing through our veins...

These two drops are in succesion, the one on the right is followed by the one on the left. That is because I have dislexia.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Chucky's Revenge

Back on the blogging scene like a fiend.

Spirits have elevated due to one of the wettest Januarys in a while.

Within the first three days of the new year some Jibbers got out on the shit.
Even New Years three day weekend i should skip work another day to go falling. So el dudes showed up at work to load boats in front of all my coworkers, I told the boss that he was in charge for the day and we were off.

Upon arriving at Raven Fork the level was 16" upon leaving it was 15.5" About halfway down Tubes and I decided the level was optimal and that we didn't think you would want to do it any lower. A few rapids later the third member of our group, Big T, mentioned that the level was a little on the high side of good but he said he didn't want to get our juices flowing too early by telling us before we put on. At any rate the level was fantastic and we had a great day on the water. Only two boats were broken when we decided that we should seal launch in around Mangler instead of sliding into the tree. Tubes said, "hey look how long he is in the air." It was much higher than we expected and much more shallow than expected and everyone had a good laugh as my bow went about three feet into the water before I pitonned and resurfaced with a bent bow with a big stress crack. But I think that was better than Tubes's back jarring boof and Big T's boat breaking launch into the pool below. Next time I'm sliding into the trees. The ole' back can't handle that kind of fun anymore.

Then just last week the Plateau area was greeted with a bit more rain and it awoke the great one from its slumber. A very long slumber it was indeed.

The Bear was running on Wed. and once again I skipped work, or at least most of it, and made way for Lookout Mountain. The gauge was reading 11" but with all the tributaries and ground water coming in it was more like 12" which means Stairway has enough padding for a good run. I was supposed to meet Randy R. for a run down "Brush Creek Proper" but by the time I was done with the first run it was too late to make it to Graysville, so I opted out and went for another run on The Bear. Notice how it is called THE Bear. Very few creeks recieve a The in front of their name and the Bear definatly deserves it. It has big drops and a great boogy section. After the second run I headed north and hiked up Roaring to the confluence with Brush and got footage of the crew running the last drop of Brush. Maybe Randy will give you a report at a later date.

Before, after and during all this Suck Creek was running which is nice because it is so close to town and its roadside. I believe it drops around 245 to 260 feet in its mile that typically gets run. There's always a party at Suck. I think I got burnt out on Suck though I skipped going over there for a couple of days with no regrets. I'll be ready for it to run again but at that time it was getting monotonous and it was helping my skills improve about as much as reading about kayaking on the internet.

Well I guess I'll sign off until next time llueve de de, maybe Randy will tell you what he done did.

Captain Ralph

Monday, January 02, 2006

Welcome to the new era

What the hell do you think is going to change? Maybe your calendar ran out of pages, but I'd say that is about it, otherwise your still fucked.

The polls are in and only one good thing came out of '05- CA trip(2 river sexpedition) Maybe you'll read about it... "Meet my left and my right. Keep it real; represent what? My Nuts!"

All those that matter hope to see a change in the way of things for '06. I hope that today's journey down the trail of tears is not indicative of things to come. Give me a second to refill my vodka.

Got to get the bug fogger out in the morning. Let those little buggers start out a new in '06. The cabin is set to blast at 7:30 am. Everyone has had a little bit of blood letting on there minds. If that's what it takes then so be it.

Here are a few things to not forget in '06 WMDs?, Scooter, Abromoff, Enron etc., The right wing blogger posing as journalist, Please tell me the last time the USA went into a country to spread democracy and was successful?..(i.e. did not result in some form of backlash; examples support of Taliban in war with Russia, support of Pinochet and Noreiga), free speach zones..., ohio/FLA elections, rendition, no bid contracts in Iraq and New Orleans, Abu Ghraib, amount of money vowed to fight AIDS ahh but do not be deceived the liberals will try to fool you as well. Oh, time for more vodka already? Dawgs are on too. As I was always told its not what is reported in the news, its what is not reported that is important.

oh shit I almost forgot this was supposed to be a kayaking blog. Well, don't be a (!) go kayaking if you can. If you think reading about kayaking on the internet is going to make you a better kayaker you are sadly mistaken. If you suck then well, you suck.
Since you clicked here to read about kayaking here is some real old school, illegal, shit to whet your appetite for destruction...

Look forward to Randy R.'s more positive posts