7 hours ago
Thursday, November 17, 2005
"I must be cruel, only to be kind..."
One day a young lad decided he would help contribute to a project aimed at bringing the whitewater world into a new era. He decided to go out and buy an expensive video camera and carry it around the southeast and California. This young lad began to slowly amass footage of the Jib Council's wisdom, hoping to make a video documenting The Jibber's rise above the other pussywillows of the world. In his pursuit of The Truth, the lad sifted day and night through fact and fiction, digging deeper and deeper, looking for the pearl that would set his message apart and forgo the contemporary standards. This young lad found a cache of ancient wisdom stored in The Archives of Northern Georgia, and went to The Keeper to request the use of said ancient footage. Yet, low and behold, the lad found that he had been deceived and his life's work had been for naught.
Lad: Great Keeper of the Archives, I beseech thee for the lost tapes of Jibberdom!
Keeper of the Archives: Your footage has been given away to The Great Knows.
Lad: What is this disheartening message you tell? Has the trust of Jibberdom been infiltrated by some surly leviathan?
Keeper: The Keeper has spoken! Now leave my presence for you have irritated my hemorrhoids!
And so, distraught, the lad returned to the secret jibencampment to relay the news that the Archives had been plundered by barbaric aliens. The Council held an immediate summit to discuss plans for retribution:
King Tubes: There is only one course of action we can take. WAR! We shall awake before day break and hunt these fools like the animals they are!
Captain Ralph: But sire, we know not the ways of these foreigners. We shall track them and learn their patterns, so we can creep upon them in the night and snuff them with exact execution!
Little Lando: What, should we suppose, are the intentions of this great Knows? Will he use the wisdom for good? Or evil?
Brother Broiler: I have reason to believe The Knows has intentions of making a virtual guide book of our very own local creeks. I say we seek the advice of The Lady Luck, Aquafienda, in the mystic courts of Mt. Sativa. She will guide us in our search for retribution.
Captain: How dare he! The Keeper has betrayed us in assisting such an evil and misguided exploitation!
King Tubes: Yes, Captain, this is indeed a sad day. And dear Brother, you have again showed me my own blinders. Aquafienda will know the intentions of The Great Knows.
Kriste O. Pherson: Has anyone seen my other poagie?
Captain: The brother is right. This matter is of more importance than any of us can comprehend while blinded with anger and confusion. We should seek the wisdom of our lady.
King Tubes: It is decided. We wake at daybreak and head for the mountains!
As we speak, the council seeks the elusive Aquafienda. What will be their course of action? Only time will tell, but meanwhile, I believe the school of hard knocks needs to add a course on good decision making.